we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
