tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
