:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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