thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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