And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
