am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
