They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm really busy with my period
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