Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
