i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
