when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
