This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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