If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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