I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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