he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
