I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
