remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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