she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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