I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
