my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
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