I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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