What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
