Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
