didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
