the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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