New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
