do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
