I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize