It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
