I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize