last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
