She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
