Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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