why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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