oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
