U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
