A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize