sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
