I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
