There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
