So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
