I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
