when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
