Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
