My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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