I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
