Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
