Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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