I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
