I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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