ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
