I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
