He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
