I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
