Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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