yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
