I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
