I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
