I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
