Duck Duck Cougar?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
