I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
