Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
