I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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