i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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