what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
