So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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