Define "chronic" masturbator.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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