Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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