Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
